So. I made a game plan for working with this PMI/Stores Online thing I'm doing and I had it all figured out. Then my parents mention to me that they had been receiving bills from them, which they shouldn't because its been coming out of my account. So today (after I got the computer dropped off - I had forgotten it) I decide to call them and get this bill stuff sorted out. They say that they have no record of anything coming out of my accounts at all. So I go to my online account and have to figure things out; my credit union was just switched over to a new one. Any ways I finally get to where I can see my account history .... and its gone. All of it except what the new credit union has. So there goes my proof. THEN I decided to just continue on with the lessons, right? I get on and it says "You should not continue this lesson if you have not done the following; set up a business registration process with your state, Applied for state sales tax ID number and Set up a separate bank account for business use." CRAP I haven't done ANY of that. So I stop. Then I get the great idea to write out all that I have left to do....There's a lot. And so now I'm totally discouraged.
Then my friend who I live with wants to know the details/updates...there basically are none. And she reminds me that my living arrangements were only supposed to be temporary. Now I'm stressed and discouraged. She also says that I could afford the apartment by myself if my friend cant move in with me, if I can just get my parents to let me borrow a car to drive out to the Base so that I can work. I agree with this but when I tired to bring it up with my parents, they were distracted and didn't talk long with me. So at this point I was basically at rock bottom. I wanted to call my friend to talk to her about all this but she was in a meeting. I decided to watch a movie with my roommates; Mickey Blue Eyes. I missed my friends call but heard my little sisters call. I talked with her for a long while but at this point I had calmed down. Lately I just feel like anytime I try to do something or grow I come up against a wall. Did I mention I'm M.S.ing" Menstrual Stress + no happy pills = a very overly dramatic & stressed out Neilly.
That's another thing, while my little sister and I were talking the subject of ex's came up. And I told her that I don't really miss HIM I mainly miss what we did together.I miss the relationship. I miss holding hands, snuggling, snogging. I miss the fact that he could carry me, for as long as he could. I miss the fact that I was loved for ME and not for being someone else. Someone my parents want me to be. I was me and I was loved. That's why when my parents try to tell me not to bite my nails or to sit up straight or not to eat so fast/much or to stop all my other "bad" habits I say "No." I'm almost 25 years old, I don't live with you and you can't tell me what to do anymore. Yeah sure I bet there are some men who won't want to be with me because of this or that, no matter what I do. But then when it's all boiled down, I wouldn't be happy with them because I would forever be self-conscience and I wouldn't love myself. I am who I am and somewhere out there is a man who will love me as I am, forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment