going through electronic "trash"

For the longest time I've held onto my Myspace account simply for the fact that I could "pimp it out" but that is no longer the case so I am in the process of deleting it. I had over a thousand pictures on there! I'm letting the ex copy what pics of himself he wants and then it'll be deleted. I went through my 'blogs' on there and decided to post them here for general reading. Now these four poem/short story/musing are from a very personal point of view mainly when I was with my ex. However I won't let that fact keep me from saving them...If you want to use these just give me credit ok? Here they are....

What I see in Him

She kissed him lightly on the lips and

pushed away from his embrace.

His blue eyes watched her every move -

she wished he could see what she saw.

His clothes were worn and baggy.

His hair long, a beard hid his face.

But underneath it all she could see a faint glow.

When she told him, he said he didn’t believe, couldn’t see it.

But she could and that’s why she had given him the key.

She walked away from him, every step a heartache.

Then she stopped and turned back.

His brilliant eyes were still on her.

Then he looked down at the key in his hand.

So she stretched out her hand towards him.

Please?! She thought, oh please.

Be the One.

Be the one for me.

No.

It's his choice.

Don’t cry.

Please? Use the key.

Choose me.

Choose to be with me!

It's his choice.

You wont die if he doesn't choose you.

You’ll just feel like it.

Maybe you’ll just dissolve in your tears.

Please?

Use the key!

USE THE DAMN KEY!

No….

It's his choice.

Oh please?!

I love you!

He looked back up at her,

his face full of sadness doubt yearning

and hope.

A silent tear escaped her brown eyes

to slide down her face as she watched him take a deep breath…..

Wed, Sept. 2 12:29pm 2009

To Be with Me

They seemed to glow, shine almost.

They weren't snow white like everyone said.

White, yes but there were speckles of grey and black.

She had said that she wasn't perfect.

But she was to him.

Perfect and unique and normal and beautiful…

He had known from the moment they met that she was special.

And the more time he spent with her,

the more he was sure she was.

How could she be so normal but so unique?

She was so beautiful,

her smile made his mind go numb and his heart skip a beat.

He still can hardly believe that she loves him…

She made him so happy.

He watched her walk away,

her wings shining in the shadow of the building

and fading in the sunlight.

Her glow never changed though.

And then -

she stopped and turned back to him.

He looked down at the key that she had given him.

It matched the lock around his feet.

He looked back up,

her hand was outstretched towards him.

Her face a mixture of hope and sadness…

and determination.

He looked back at the key and took a deep breath….

Tues Aug 25 11:21pm

Hopeful Future

The sound of the alarm yanked him from the depths of his slumber.
Quickly he raised a hand to the small box and silence filled the air yet again.
As he lay in the dimly lit room he became aware of his surroundings.
He lay on his side with his other arm holding onto her arm that was around his chest.
He could feel her there - snuggled up behind him - they’re legs tangled together.
He could feel the fingers of her other hand twitch with or from sleep in his hair.
And he could feel her breath whisper at his neck which sent a thrill through him.
He stayed there for as long as he could but eventually he had to get up.
Slowly he slid off the bed and out of her embrace.
As he moved, her fingers lightly dug into his skin and then released only to dig in again.
Even in her sleep she didn’t want to let him go.
He knew that was her secret fear.
He understood - it was his fear as well.
Then when all that was left touching were their fingertips she sighed in her sleep as her hand dropped back to the bed.

His heart learched at the sad look on her face; she was so beautiful even when she was asleep -
even when she was sad.
Oh - he loved her so -
everyday his love for her deepened and grew.
A small smile tugged at his mouth as he watched her take his pillow and hug it to her chest.
He took a step forward and,
leaning over,
gently kissed her forehead,
her cheek and
ever so softly
her lips.
Then he walked away and began to get ready for work.

SAT. AUGUST 1, 2009 12:25AM

No more, Now, Someday

No more -

no more will I feel his arms around me.
No more will our lips hover over eachother sending chills and thirlls through me.
No more will I look up into his face and see the beauty hidden there.
No more will our fingers intertwine.
No more will my fingers trace his skin, finding the softest spots or the strangest curves or the outline of his tattoo.
No more will my phone connect me to him.
No more will I hear him say "I love you".
No more will I plan my life with him.

Now -
now my heart stummbles at everything that reminds me of him.
Now I cry at the drop of a hat.
Now I hate that I still love him.
Now I hate that I want him back.
Now I hate that I dont.
Now I feel reduced back to nothing.
Now I feel less than I was.
Now I have a hard time watching movies or listening to music without remembering him or thinking of my current state.
Now I have to find out who I am and what I really want.
Now I leave behind the life I had waited my whole life to have.

Someday -
someday I will get over him.
Someday I will move on.
Someday I will be able to think about him and not have my heart hurt.
Someday I won't cry over him.
Someday life wont remind me of him.
Someday another will find me.
Someday I will have everything I ever wanted.
Someday I will be free of this heartache.
Someday I will be happy again.

Jan 6 2010

Well there you have it. Hope you liked it :)