This is so strange. I can publish a post from my cell but my little sister cant

it will get worse before it gets better

due to uncontrollable circumstances I am moving back in with my parents this weekend until I have saved up enough money for the apartment I have my eye on. That means that I'll have to travel to work everyday - blah. However I have applied at 3 different places on that side of town and have a 4th application to fill out and turn in. AND I have an interview on Monday with the Mortuary. I'm not really sure if I want that job but we'll see. I will let you all know the out come

is my world really crumbling around me or am I just being overly dramatic?

So. I made a game plan for working with this PMI/Stores Online thing I'm doing and I had it all figured out. Then my parents mention to me that they had been receiving bills from them, which they shouldn't because its been coming out of my account. So today (after I got the computer dropped off - I had forgotten it) I decide to call them and get this bill stuff sorted out. They say that they have no record of anything coming out of my accounts at all. So I go to my online account and have to figure things out; my credit union was just switched over to a new one. Any ways I finally get to where I can see my account history .... and its gone. All of it except what the new credit union has. So there goes my proof. THEN I decided to just continue on with the lessons, right? I get on and it says "You should not continue this lesson if you have not done the following; set up a business registration process with your state, Applied for state sales tax ID number and Set up a separate bank account for business use." CRAP I haven't done ANY of that. So I stop. Then I get the great idea to write out all that I have left to do....There's a lot. And so now I'm totally discouraged.

Then my friend who I live with wants to know the details/updates...there basically are none. And she reminds me that my living arrangements were only supposed to be temporary. Now I'm stressed and discouraged. She also says that I could afford the apartment by myself if my friend cant move in with me, if I can just get my parents to let me borrow a car to drive out to the Base so that I can work. I agree with this but when I tired to bring it up with my parents, they were distracted and didn't talk long with me. So at this point I was basically at rock bottom. I wanted to call my friend to talk to her about all this but she was in a meeting. I decided to watch a movie with my roommates; Mickey Blue Eyes. I missed my friends call but heard my little sisters call. I talked with her for a long while but at this point I had calmed down. Lately I just feel like anytime I try to do something or grow I come up against a wall. Did I mention I'm M.S.ing" Menstrual Stress + no happy pills = a very overly dramatic & stressed out Neilly.

That's another thing, while my little sister and I were talking the subject of ex's came up. And I told her that I don't really miss HIM I mainly miss what we did together.I miss the relationship. I miss holding hands, snuggling, snogging. I miss the fact that he could carry me, for as long as he could. I miss the fact that I was loved for ME and not for being someone else. Someone my parents want me to be. I was me and I was loved. That's why when my parents try to tell me not to bite my nails or to sit up straight or not to eat so fast/much or to stop all my other "bad" habits I say "No." I'm almost 25 years old, I don't live with you and you can't tell me what to do anymore. Yeah sure I bet there are some men who won't want to be with me because of this or that, no matter what I do. But then when it's all boiled down, I wouldn't be happy with them because I would forever be self-conscience and I wouldn't love myself. I am who I am and somewhere out there is a man who will love me as I am, forever.

more crap for the "fan" pile

ok so at work my all time favorite supervisor Pat has been treated like crap by the other managers and its really upsetting to watch her have to go through that. She had to take a supervisor test and failed it but instead of letting her take it again, they were gonna demote her. She had until the 20th of May. Then on Saturday I go into work and shes there but in a Taco Bell uniform; she'd been demoted AND transferred. And now we're 3 people short. The manager scheduled everyone for 6 day weeks and said "No body be late or call in sick because there isn't anybody that can replace you if you did" UGH! I HATE IT THERE!!! I've been working on an online business but its just in the learning stages now. I hope to be able to get it up and going by the end of June. AND I hope to be moved in with my bestie by the beginning of June. *sigh* if wishes were fishes...